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This back alley is currently unoccupied, should you feel the need to violently destroy your golf competition.
This back alley is currently unoccupied, should you feel the need to violently destroy your golf competition. (Courtesy Craig Jewell)

Golfer Supremacy Rankings try to avoid back-alley lynching by the PGA Tour's young golfers

William K. WolfrumBy William K. Wolfrum,

Here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings, where young golfers will do anything and everything to get ranked, we live in constant terror. First of all, there's the endless threat of Islamofacism, which threatens to destroy us all and force us to live under Sharia Law, which strictly forbids the supremacy ranking of golfers. Then we learned - thanks to Jonah Goldberg of the National Review, that Liberal Fascists want to take all our babies and devour them.

It's a lot of stress, let us tell you. Of course, now that Kelly Tilghman has introduced lynching as a way to defeat your enemies, we're even more worried. We feel it's only a matter of time before golfers like Will MacKenzie, Tadd Fujikawa and Camilo Villegas come after us, ropes and torches in hands.

But as golf enters a terrifying new age, we continue to do what we do. And this week, we once again prove that those of us at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings are true heroes, willing to rank golfers even under the most perilous of conditions.

Golfer Supremacy Rankings

1. Kelly Tilghman

Comments: There was a time when no one even knew how to spell the lovely Ms. Tilghman's name. These days, she's a lightning rod of controversy and easily the most important name in all of golf. Was she being racist, serious or just plain foolish when she commented that younger golfers should lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley? We don't have the answers here, but we do know one thing. For the first, and very likely last time in her mediocre announcing career, Tilghman is the most important name in golf, and people even know how it's spelled.

2. K.J. Choi

Comments: If these were the "Golfer Niceness Rankings" then Choi would be on top every single week. No nicer golfer exists on the planet, and perhaps no nicer person. For quite some time, Choi was considered the best Asian player in the world, but now he's transcended that, and is flat-out becoming one of the best golfers in the world. With Choi's win at the Sony Open, the South Korean star now has won PGA Tour events in four successive years, and has seven total victories in his ever-growing career. And it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

3. Rory Sabbatini

Comments: Shin splints? What shin splints? After dropping out of Tiger Woods' Target World Challenge with the dreaded disease of the shin, Sabbatini bounced back to have an impressive second-place finish at the Sony Open, pocketing more than a half-million for his efforts. Like him or not (and you probably don't, but we do) Senor Sabbatini will once again be a force in 2008.

4. Steve Stricker

Comments: Can we just hand Stricker another Comeback Player of the Year award? Two starts, two Top-5 finishes for Stricker, who seems to be after some different types of hardware in 2008 as he already sits at No. 3 on the PGA Tour's money list.

Random Reason to Have a Snake Eat Your Balls: According to Golf Logic, a snake recently gobbled down some golf balls. They were retrieved (Who knew they made golf-ball retrievers for snakes?) and sold on eBay for more than $1,200.

Random Quote: "I want to play with Tiger Woods in the future and win the Masters." -- Ryo Ishikawa, who at 16 has become the youngest pro on the Japanese golf tour.

William K. Wolfrum keeps one eye on the PGA Tour and another watching golf vacation hotspots and letting travelers in on the best place to vacation. You can follow him on Twitter @Wolfrum.

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