Even as a mechanic, Tiger Woods would surely dominate. (WorldGolf.com graphic)

Tiger Woods vs. Jack Nicklaus: Let the bad comparisons begin

By William K. Wolfrum,
Contributor

We are at the tipping point, people. The time has come when murmuring and speculating will no longer cut it. The time has come to start the propaganda for Tiger Woods' chase of, and eventual conquest of, Jack Nicklaus' all-time record for major victories.

The Golden Bear's record stands at 18. Woods has 13. And no one is discounting the notion that Woods has yet to hit his ultimate prime form. With history as our guide, there's a chance Woods will pass Nicklaus within 30 months. And it's not unrealistic to imagine Woods truly shattering the mark by the time he's done.

Now, while it's understandable that this is important news to both Tiger and Jack, how is it, you ask, applicable to me, the average golf fan? Well, that is a phenomenal question, if I do say so myself.

What it means to you is that you will be deluged, literally deluged, with stories comparing Nicklaus and Woods. Seriously, it will be like a swarm of locusts, only more powerful and more painful to listen to. However, being that I'm but a small, insignificant part of the golf writing world, I figured I'd throw out a few ideas for future articles. You see, it's starting out slow and with some style.

ESPN is comparing how Jack and Tiger match up on an all-time Masters team. MSNBC has a piece up comparing their games point by point. At TravelGolf.com, Jennifer Mario and Tim McDonald both jumped in the fray a while back.

But that's now. As time marches on and Tiger edges ever closer, the stories will become more desperate and stupid. You'll actually be able to feel the sweat and desperation emanating from the writers' hands as they attempt to find some interesting new spin on the Tiger vs. Jack countdown.

So, for golf journalists and bloggers everywhere, here are some ideas on ways to compare Nicklaus and Woods. As an added plus to readers, it also marks the first insipid comparison article of this new Tiger vs. Jack era.

Tiger Woods vs. Jack Nicklaus Comparison Ideas

In other sports: Comparing the pair in other sports is a classic idea. Nicklaus was a fine athlete, and Woods, though he's never really done anything other than golf, has the body and mindset of someone who could thrive in any sport. Depending on the sport, it could be interesting.

As auto mechanics: Both have laser-like focus and a thirst for knowledge. Both want to be the best. So, if your Toyota Prius breaks down, who do you take it to? My vote's with Tiger, as I'd expect Jack to occasionally wander off to get a donut. But still, there are acres of possibilities here.

As overlords of the planet: Imagine the possibilities here. Who would be the better omnipotent dictator of the planet? Would it be a better world, or would we all be doomed to shag golf balls forever?

Who would benefit more from modern golf technology? This one smacks of probably having been done a few thousand times already. Never mind.

What if they had been born women? Seriously, that would change everything.

Dressing as a woman: Jack by a landslide. Seriously, remember the young, chubby Jack Nicklaus? Now imagine him in a dress. He'd be freakin' adorable. Okay, this is getting weird.

Headlining a show in Vegas: When the chips are down, the players demand entertainment. It's Jack vs. Tiger. At the Bellagio. Who can bring that epic Sin City combination of humor, dance, song and schtick that will make the bluehairs swoon?

A duel: The problem is, if you can't actually convince them to do it, it really loses a lot of its zazz.

Making the most money off their name: If this one hasn't been done, it's likely the only one that should. Both Tiger and Jack slap their name on just about whatever comes by. With no hyperbole whatsoever, if there is a product of any kind, from food, to electronics, to sexual devices, there's one with the name Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus on it. Show them the money. Actually, both manage to be simultaneously winners and losers on this one.

January 9, 2008

William K. Wolfrum keeps one eye on the PGA Tour and another watching golf vacation hotspots and letting travelers in on the best place to vacation. You can follow him on Twitter @Wolfrum.

Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management.