Unique Golf Gifts: You Won't Find these at Your Local Pro Shop

This is a message for those who are married to, friends with, or children of a golfer: We're tired of you taking the easy way out come gift-buying time.

Just because we play golf doesn't mean every shirt you buy us has to have a decal of a nine-iron ironed onto it. Our salt-and-pepper shakers don't need to look like hormone-injected Maxflis. Believe it or not, we would rather you didn't replace the living room rug with astro-turf.

Don't be mistaken, that $300 driver would do wonders for our game, or at least make us look cooler trying. But that $3 paper weight which resembles that $300 driver should remain on the gift shop shelf.

We're here to help. The following will provide examples of amusing, bad, and insufferable golf gifts. Keep in mind, this guide by no means accounts for the entire golfing populace. There are plenty of hackers who would die for a sign above their toilet that reads: 19th Hole. Personally, I think it'd stink.

The Amusing

Trick Golf Balls

Every duffer dreams of sliding one of these Caddyshack-esque toys onto the tee of his best friend or father-in-law. The Exploder blows up in a cloud of dust; The Unputtable wobbles, jumps, skids, and gyrates; The Jetstreamer changes into 15 feet of ribbon on impact, and The Phantom vanishes into a watery mist after being struck. $15

PopAPutt

Slip this spring-loaded contraption into the cup when your partner is busy admiring his chip shot. You get the last laugh when his 18-foot putt gets regurgitated like a bad meatball. $9

Fake Windshield Breaker

The perfect ploy for a round with your Lexus-driving comrades. Slip the self adhesive ball and removable "broken glass" decal onto their windshield and wait for their jaw to drop. $7

Fairway Tee

A bad lie can be erased by placing your ball on the tiny, elevated patch of artificial grass. If someone questions you, act like you thought it was legal. $6

The Bad

Novelty toilet paper

Somewhat funny, but do you think anyone wants to read that you're the "World's Crappiest Golfer," or that "Golf is *^#$"while they're doing their business? $7

Golf Bag Phone

It's one thing to talk to your ball...but your golf bag? This detailed replica with zippers, clubs and cuffs is actually nicer than my bag. I'd probably try and yank the clubs out and keep it in tow for 18 holes. $65

Bendable Frustration Club

Although, after unwrapping our gifts and finding this instead of that putter we craved, we'll need something to let out our frustrations on. $30

Scorecard Paper Shredder

After an awful round, there's no way that scorecard is going to make it into my back pocket, let alone all the way home. It will be shredded long before then. $55

The Insufferable

Wine Holder

This is the kind of trinket that makes you want to have a garage sale. These wooden golfers stand when a bottle of wine is inserted into their stomachs. The ad reads: "These golfing buddies make a unique gift for the golfer who has everything." The golfer who has everything probably wishes he didn't. $16

"Greatest Golfer" Mirror

This is actually the perfect gift for someone with the hubris to hang it on their wall. If their mug doesn't shatter the glass, a nice chip-shot will do the trick. $35

Door Stoppers

If your seven-year-old son buys you one, it's cute, because he knows you like golf. If anyone else buys it, it's annoying, because you know the only reason they bought it was because they know you like golf. Would you get your wife a door-stopper shaped like her favorite shopping mall because she likes to shop? $20

Golf Miracle Pills

Come on, we know they're just jelly beans. If they could really make us get a hole-in-one, FDA members would be spending a lot more time on the course. $8

Golf Bag Razor

If I opened this up on my birthday I'd be so disappointed, I might use it somewhere besides my face. Hint: I'd have to take my watch off first. $11

To clarify, any one of these gifts would be nice, even thoughtful. I am not knocking these products as individuals. It's just when one, after another, after another, begin to appear on the other side of wrapping paper, it can get to be too much. If you're really stumped and are running out of time, you can never go wrong with a nice card and a box of new balls. Now if you'll excuse me, my golf bag is ringing.