Golf Jokes » Golf pro

Too foggy to see

Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par-3. They can see the flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the second golfer does the same. They proceed to the green to find their balls.

One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other found it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the same type of balls, TopFlite 2, and couldn't determine which ball was which.

They decided to ask the golf pro to decide their fate. After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro asks,

"Which one of you used the orange one ?"


There are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.

The instructor simply said, "Lack of freaking talent!"


An amateur was talking to his golf pro.
Amateur: "How do you get so much backspin?''
Pro: "Before I answer that, tell me, how far do you hit a 5 iron?''
Amateur: "About 130.''
Pro: "Then why in the world would you want the ball to spin back !?''

The pro and the JP

The Justice of the Peace in a small town was about to tee off with two other friends one day when the club pro volunteered to join them. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for a free lesson.

But instead of being helpful the pro was openly critical of the JP's game. At every bumbled shot, the pro made a joke about the justice.

But the criticism didn't even stop at the end of the round. The pro continued to embarrass the JP in the clubhouse among his friends. Finally the pro got up to leave and said, "Judge, let's do it again sometime. If you can't find anybody else to make a foursome, I'll be glad to play with you again."

"Well that would be fine," the justice of the peace said. "How about next Saturday? I don't think any of my friends can join us, so why don't you just have your parents join us, and after our round I can marry them."

The strange new pro

"I don't know about that new pro," said Peter. "He may be a little strange."

"Why do you think that?" asked Fred.

"He just tried to correct my stance again."

"So?" said Fred. "He's just trying to help your game."

"Yeah, I know," said Peter, "but I was standing at the urinal at the time"

The golf pro Prayer

The Pro is my Shepherd,
I shall not Slice.

He maketh me to Drive Straight
Down Green Fairways;

He leadeth me Safely
across Still Water-Hazards;

He restoreth my Approach Shots.

He Leadeth me in the Paths of
Accuracy for my Game's Sake.

Yea, though I chip through the Roughs
in the shadows of Sand Traps,
I will fear no Bogies.

For his Advice is with me;

His Putter and Irons,
they confort me.

He prepareth my Strategy for me
in the presence of mine Opponents;

He anointeth my head with Confidence:
The Cup will not be runneth over!

Surely Birdies and Eagles shall follow
me all the Rounds of my Life,

And I will score in the Low Eighties


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