Golf Jokes » Indoors

A clear path to the green

Bill really enjoyed playing golf. He could occasionally put up with taking in a round with his wife. One time (with his wife Sally along) he was having an extremely bad round. On the 12th hole, Bill sliced a drive over by a grounds keepers shack. Although he did not have a clear shot to the green, his wife noticed that there were two doors on the shack and there was a possibility that, if both doors were opened, he might be able to hit through.

Without hesitation, Bill instructed his wife to go around to the other side and open the far door. Sure enough, this gave him a clear path to the green. He stepped up to his ball and prepared to hit. Sally had been standing by the far door, waiting for him to hit through. After a moment, she became curious and stuck her head in the doorway to see what he was doing. At that exact moment, Bill cracked a three-wood that hit his wife square on the forehead, killing her instantly.

Bill avoided golf for a year. However, he finally recovered, remarried, and started playing golf with his new wife Jill. Again, on hole #12, he slices his drive to the shack. Jill says, "Honey, if I open the front and back door of that shed, I think you could play through." "Nah," replied Bill, "The last time I did that, I shot a 7 on the hole."

Golf in heaven

Bill and his wife Sally died and went to Heaven together. They were met at the gates by an angel who was to show them the place. Right over here, we have our very own golf course! "Wow! It's beautiful! Can we play it now?" they both asked. "Sure!" said the angel.

Therefore, the couple began playing. It was the most beautiful course they had ever seen. Everything was perfect... the fairways, the greens, even the roughs. The more they played the more the woman beamed with happiness, but she noticed her husband was becoming disheartened and angry.

Sally confronted her husband on what was wrong. She said, "I can't understand why you're not happy. We're in Heaven! We're together! We're playing on the most beautiful and perfect golf course ever! What's wrong with you?"

Bill replied, "If you hadn't fed us those DAMN bran muffins, we'd been here years ago!"

Late home

Bill came home from golfing well after dark. His wife, Sally, asked him where had he been for such a long time. He told her that after his 8:00 am round of golf, he stopped to help a gorgeous blond with a flat tire. He said that he went back to her place for a cool drink, and ended up in the bedroom with her all afternoon.

Sally replied, "You S.O.B.! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

Mothers Day

Bill, Ralph, and Fred gathered for a round of golf on Mother's Day. The men were quite surprised at being "let go" for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

Fred said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go."

Ralph said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go."

Bill said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,' and she said: 'I'll put your clubs in the car'."

A mockery of the game

Bill, the avid golfer got married; the marriage was getting into problems as he was playing golf five days a week. They finally talked about it and Sally asked Bill if he could teach her golf. That way they both could enjoy golf and improve their marriage. Bill argued that golf is a serious game and that she is just trying to destroy the one perfect thing in life. After some arguing, Bill agreed to have her go to the course with him.

They went to the course and Sally signed up to take some lessons with the local pro. The lessons kept going on everyday, and Bill was happy she didn't bother him. One day, Bill's buddy Ralph asked him how the marriage was going. Bill replied, "It is great; ever since she started taking golf lessons, she doesn't bother me and lets me play all the golf I want." Ralph replied with a sad shake of his head, "Really? Then I guess you don't know that she is screwing around with the golf pro!"

Bill's eyes turned red, smoke came out of his ears, and he became quite scary. He said, "I knew it couldn't last; I knew Sally would make a mockery of the game!

Great Trade

Bill and Ralph step up to the first tee box. Bill says, "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" Ralph replies enthusiastically, "What a great trade!"

It's a small world

Two golfers were being held up as the twosome of women in front of them whiffed shots, hunted for lost balls and stood over putts for what seemed like hours. "I'll ask if we can play through," Bill said as he strode toward the women. Twenty yards from the green, however, he turned on his heel and went back to where his companion was waiting.

Hitting my wife

Bill met Ralph one day after work at the local drinking establishment. "Did you hear that my exclusive golf club fined me £50 for hitting my wife Sally with a 9-iron?" moaned Bill. Ralph nodding his head sadly said, "Really? Was it for conduct unbecoming a gentleman?" Bill responded as expected, "No, it was for using the wrong club."

Why single men are thinner

I attended a golf convention in London over the winter and was somewhat interested in the result of one particular study performed on golfers; specifically I was interested in late afternoon league golfers. This study indicated that the single gentlemen who play in these leagues are "skinnier" than the married ones.

The reason for this phenomenon was quite simple when we finally found the answer. The single golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a "refreshment" at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to his refrigerator. He finds nothing decent there, so he goes to bed. The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a "refreshment" at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to bed, finds nothing decent there, so he goes to his refrigerator.

You nearly hit my wife

"You fool! You almost hit my wife with that shot!"

"Sorry old chap!. Here, take a shot at mine!"

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