Golf Jokes » IndoorsA clear path to the green
Bill
really enjoyed playing golf. He could occasionally put up with taking
in a round with his wife. One time (with his wife Sally along) he
was having an extremely bad round. On the 12th hole, Bill sliced
a drive over by a grounds keepers shack. Although he did not have
a clear shot to the green, his wife noticed that there were two
doors on the shack and there was a possibility that, if both doors
were opened, he might be able to hit through.
Without hesitation, Bill instructed his wife to go around to the
other side and open the far door. Sure enough, this gave him a clear
path to the green. He stepped up to his ball and prepared to hit.
Sally had been standing by the far door, waiting for him to hit
through. After a moment, she became curious and stuck her head in
the doorway to see what he was doing. At that exact moment, Bill
cracked a three-wood that hit his wife square on the forehead, killing
her instantly.
Bill avoided golf for a year. However, he finally recovered, remarried,
and started playing golf with his new wife Jill. Again, on hole
#12, he slices his drive to the shack. Jill says, "Honey, if I open
the front and back door of that shed, I think you could play through."
"Nah," replied Bill, "The last time I did that, I shot a 7 on the
hole."
Golf in heaven
Bill
and his wife Sally died and went to Heaven together. They were met
at the gates by an angel who was to show them the place. Right over
here, we have our very own golf course! "Wow! It's beautiful! Can
we play it now?" they both asked. "Sure!" said the angel.
Therefore, the couple began playing. It was the most beautiful course
they had ever seen. Everything was perfect... the fairways, the
greens, even the roughs. The more they played the more the woman
beamed with happiness, but she noticed her husband was becoming
disheartened and angry.
Sally confronted her husband on what was wrong. She said, "I can't
understand why you're not happy. We're in Heaven! We're together!
We're playing on the most beautiful and perfect golf course ever!
What's wrong with you?"
Bill replied, "If you hadn't fed us those DAMN bran muffins, we'd
been here years ago!"
Late home
Bill
came home from golfing well after dark. His wife, Sally, asked him
where had he been for such a long time. He told her that after his
8:00 am round of golf, he stopped to help a gorgeous blond with
a flat tire. He said that he went back to her place for a cool drink,
and ended up in the bedroom with her all afternoon.
Sally replied, "You S.O.B.! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"
Mothers Day
Bill,
Ralph, and Fred gathered for a round of golf on Mother's Day. The
men were quite surprised at being "let go" for the day, and each
wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.
Fred said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was
so happy that she let me go."
Ralph said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was
so thrilled with me that she let me go."
Bill said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife,
and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,' and she said: 'I'll
put your clubs in the car'."
A mockery of the game
Bill,
the avid golfer got married; the marriage was getting into problems
as he was playing golf five days a week. They finally talked about
it and Sally asked Bill if he could teach her golf. That way they
both could enjoy golf and improve their marriage. Bill argued that
golf is a serious game and that she is just trying to destroy the
one perfect thing in life. After some arguing, Bill agreed to have
her go to the course with him.
They went to the course and Sally signed up to take some lessons
with the local pro. The lessons kept going on everyday, and Bill
was happy she didn't bother him. One day, Bill's buddy Ralph asked
him how the marriage was going. Bill replied, "It is great; ever
since she started taking golf lessons, she doesn't bother me and
lets me play all the golf I want." Ralph replied with a sad shake
of his head, "Really? Then I guess you don't know that she is screwing
around with the golf pro!"
Bill's eyes turned red, smoke came out of his ears, and he became
quite scary. He said, "I knew it couldn't last; I knew Sally would
make a mockery of the game!
Great Trade
Bill
and Ralph step up to the first tee box. Bill says, "Hey, guess what!
I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" Ralph replies enthusiastically,
"What a great trade!"
It's a small world
Two
golfers were being held up as the twosome of women in front of them
whiffed shots, hunted for lost balls and stood over putts for what
seemed like hours. "I'll ask if we can play through," Bill said
as he strode toward the women. Twenty yards from the green, however,
he turned on his heel and went back to where his companion was waiting.
Hitting my wife
Bill
met Ralph one day after work at the local drinking establishment.
"Did you hear that my exclusive golf club fined me £50 for
hitting my wife Sally with a 9-iron?" moaned Bill. Ralph nodding
his head sadly said, "Really? Was it for conduct unbecoming a gentleman?"
Bill responded as expected, "No, it was for using the wrong club."
Why single men are thinner
I
attended a golf convention in London over the winter and was somewhat
interested in the result of one particular study performed on golfers;
specifically I was interested in late afternoon league golfers.
This study indicated that the single gentlemen who play in these
leagues are "skinnier" than the married ones.
The reason for this phenomenon was quite simple when we finally
found the answer. The single golfer goes out and plays his round
of golf, has a "refreshment" at the 19th hole, goes home and goes
to his refrigerator. He finds nothing decent there, so he goes to
bed. The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has
a "refreshment" at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to bed, finds
nothing decent there, so he goes to his refrigerator.
You nearly hit my wife
"You
fool! You almost hit my wife with that shot!"
"Sorry
old chap!. Here, take a shot at mine!"
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