Golf Jokes » IndoorsI lost everything
One
Sunday a usually happy weekend golfer came home from the game very
late, and much the worse for wear. 'Dear' wife greeted him at the
door and demanded "Where the hell have you been and what have you
been doing?" The husband wobbled around of slurred "Had a bad game,
sort of lost everything...you had better pack some bags, I even
lost you". Driven to murder
A
police officer retired, and soon after spent every single day playing
golf, which greatly irritated his wife, who was not a golfer. Every
day he'd come home at 4 or 5 o'clock after playing a round at his
club. Walking with wives
During
our weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance
of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and
start walking with their wives. From the back of the room one expectant
father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf
clubs while she walks?"
Genie in a bottle
A
husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and about to
tee off on the third hole which was lined by beautiful homes. The
wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed
directly at a very large picture window. Much to their surprise,
the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million
pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove
off to see what had happened. Why is he so mad ?
His
wife was a new and nervous player but Jim persuaded her to play
against a new customer of his and his wife. "After all," he explained,
"it will be a two-ball foursome. I'll drive off and by the time
you have to hit the ball the client and his spouse will be elsewhere
on the fairway and not watching you."
It was agreed and the game started as Jim had said it would. He
hit off with a fine drive, right down the fairway about 320 metres
leaving about four metres to the green. He handed his wife an iron
and told her to aim for the green. She sliced it with vigour into
the deep rough at the side of the fairway. Two!
His
shot from the rough was magnificent and landed the ball back on
the fairway - this time about half a metre from the green. Three!
She
whacked it right over the green and into the sandtrap on the other
side. Four!
He
was in brilliant form and he clipped it neatly from the sand onto
the green about a metre from the hole.Five!
Her
putt rolled off the green and into another sandtrap. Six!
His
recovery landed three centimetres from the hole. Seven!
Her
putt stopped at the green's edge. Eight!
His
putt of thirteen metres went in. Nine!
The
customer and his wife holed out with four. Jim's reaction was nothing
too dramatic. He merely tore up his score card and ate it, broke
three clubs and bent the remainder, jumped up and down on his golfcart
and finally, shaking his fist at his wife, he strode off to the
clubhouse.
His
wife emerged from the sandtrap whence she had watched the performance.
"I don't know what he's so mad about," she said. "After all, he
had five; I only had four!"
Why can't we play golf together
A
noted doctor's wife asked him why he never would let her play golf
with him.
"My dear," he replied, "there are three things a man must do alone:
testify, die and putt."
Golf is a mystery to her
To
Bill's wife, golf was a total mystery. She never could understand
why Bill insisted on tiring himself by walking so far every time
he played. One day she went with him to see for herself what the
game was about. For six holes she tramped after him.
It
was on the seventh that he landed in the infamous bunker where he
floundered about for some time in the sand. She sat herself down
composedly and, as the sand began to fly she happily ventured:
"There, I knew you could just as well play in one place if you made
up your mind to!"
Get out of that one
Happily
innocent of all golfing lore, Sam's wife watched with interest the
efforts of her man in the bunker to play his ball. At last it rose
amid a cloud of sand, hovered in the air and then dropped on the
green and rolled into the hole.
"Oh
my stars," Sam wife chuckled, "he'll have a tough time getting out
of that one."
Awoken in the night
There
was a guy so addicted to golf that all he did is go out on the links
every single day. He had ambitions of making it to the Pros, so
he took his game very seriously. An office affair
A
man and his secretary were having an affair. One afternoon, they
got a motel room and had strenuous sex. He wasn't used to the pace,
so he fell asleep afterwards and didn't wake up until about 8:30
that night. |