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Equal
privileges
A
country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually,
there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the
course during the week.
The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's
club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received
a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating
on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After
another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of
the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation
they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted
equal privileges!
The
misdirected shot
A
couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The
first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his
hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to
roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately
began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist
and offered to help ease his "pain."
"Please
allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve
your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him earnestly. "Ummph,
oooh, nnnoo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he
replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his
hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She
began to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?" The man
looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ... but
my thumb still hurts like hell!"
Left
or right handed
Four
guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7 a.m. Sunday.
But one of them got transferred, and they were talking about trying
to fill out the foursome.
A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I
join the group?"
They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. She said
"Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven."
She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record
with a 7-under-par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the
clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant
the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week
and she said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7."
Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she
played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous
week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to
join the group for keeps.
They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her,
"how do you know if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
She said "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull
the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his member
is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to
the left, I golf left-handed."
A guy asked "what if it's pointed straight up?"
She said "Then I'll be here at nine o'clock."
A hole behind
A
man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business
meeting. When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of
time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf
course from the clerk.
While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech
and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around,
he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained
the situation and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again
with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole
behind me, so you must be on the 13th."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished
his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady sitting
at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course
often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation
for your help. I understand you are in the sales profession. I'm
in sales also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No I wouldn't."
"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell sanitary towels."
She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper
salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
A
scratch golfer
Two
women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met
on the putting green for the first time.
After
introductions, the first golfer asked, "What’s your handicap?"
"Oh,
I’m a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!"
exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired
up with her.
"Yes,
I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"
What
is a rider ?
A
foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th
hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them "How did your game
go?"
The first said she had a good round with 25 riders. The second said
she did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had
10 riders. The fourth was disappointed and said that she played
badly with only two riders.
The Pro was confounded by this term "rider" but not wanting
to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the
next time. He then approached Jerry the bartender and asked "Jerry,
can you tell me what does this term 'riders' mean?" Jerry smiled
and explained that a "rider" is when you have hit a shot
long enough to take a ride on a golf cart.
The
visiting relative
An
elderly lady from a remote interior village went to one of the most
fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a
very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for
a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie,
did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very
far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be
a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting
at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were
four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited
barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way,"
she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these
curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought
them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."
Red
faced lady golfer
The
lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At
each swipe she made at the ball earth flew in all directions.
"Gracious
me," she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, "the worms will think
there's an earthquake."
"I
don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very
clever. I'll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for
safety."
Wife
& Mistress
I'll
go and ask if we can go through," said Max to Jerry. The two golfers
had been concerned for some time at the snail-like progress of two
women, originally some holes ahead and now just in front of them
on the ninth fairway. Max returned after only a few paces towards
the ladies.
"Jerry,
this is very embarrassing, but would you mind going. That's my wife
up ahead and she's playing with my mistress."
Jerry
returned having got no further forward than Max. "I say," he said,
"what a coincidence."
What's
my handicap
He
was a smooth operator, and at the club's annual dance he attached
himself to the prettiest lady golfer in the room and was boasting
to her.
"You
know, they're all afraid to play me. What do you think my handicap
is?"
"Well,
where do you want me to start ?" came the quick response.
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