Got an unplayable lie? Get over to where you'll have an unobstructed lie and line to the green for the next shot. (Katharine Dyson/WorldGolf.com)

Bending the Rules of Golf

Whether you are a single-digit handicapper or someone who couldn't hit a fairway if it was wider than it was long, golf's rules must be abided by in order to keep scores honest. Realistically, under the USGA rules, players are penalized for such things as lost balls, declaring a ball unplayable and hitting into a water hazard among other situations. However, those of us who fall well below the standards of amateur play do not live in the real word when it comes to playing golf.

Sure, the reason you carry a handicap is to adjust your gross score so that you can be more competitive with someone who actually knows how to hit a ball. But sometimes that's just not enough. There should be some adaptations to the actual rules to accommodate the bad golfer.

Lost Balls

Under rule 26-1, Ball in Water Hazard, a player is penalized one stroke for hitting a ball into a lake, stream, creek, river, ocean, whatever makes the your ball wet and unrecoverable. For the bad golfer, hitting into a water hazard is a common occurrence because not doing it is the only thing that is going through your mind from the moment of address to the ultimate splash-down. Therefore, since dunking a ball or three is inevitable, there should be an amendment to this rule.

Rule 26-1BG (for Bad Golfer): Should a ball be struck in a water hazard the monetary value of the ball alone shall be the only penalty incurred. You've spent hard-earned cash on a dozen balls of which maybe two will see the 18th hole so why should you lose strokes as well as cash.

Rule 27-1, Ball Lost or Out of Bounds, states that a player loses a stroke for playing another ball if the original one can not be found. Again, more money down the drain! If you spend the allotted five minutes looking for your ball that sliced into trees and careened around like a pinball machine you'll be holding up the players behind you. Hey, the last thing you need is the group of four old guys in straw hats and plaid pants waiting on the tee box yelling, "Let's go, while we're still alive!"

Rule 27-1BG: If a ball is lost outside a water hazard or out of bounds the monetary value of the ball alone shall be the only penalty incurred plus the player shall be awarded, for speeding up play for others, a free drop at the point where he thinks the ball might have come to rest if he had hit the shot perfectly.

The Unplayable Lie

Under ideal conditions, every ball should come to rest on the fairway in a fluffed up position for the perfect shot. However, in the pathetic world of the bad golfer, that occurs about as often as getting on the green in regulation. Rule 28 of the USGA Rules of Golf calls for a one stroke penalty to be assessed if a player deems his ball to be unplayable. For the bad golfer, this rule is entirely unfair due to the fact that he has absolutely no control as to where his ball will go. Chances are that most shots will come to rest next to a tree, on a sprinkler head, in someone else's cart, or in the living room of someone who was dumb enough to buy a house on a golf course. For this predicament and willingness to admit that a ball is unplayable rather than using the five-finger or foot wedge, the rule should read as follows:

Rule 28BG: The player will get an unpenalized drop in the area nearest to the spot of where the last shot landed which would give an unobstructed lie and line to the green for the next shot.

This alteration to the rule is merely semantics since, most likely, the next shot will be chunked 20 yards anyway.

The bad golfer can benefit from these "new" rulings since his ability to play the game give him absolutely no advantage whatsoever.

July 18, 2001