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Gentlemen,
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Surprisingly, being a chick magnet on the golf course comes down to form, your choice of slacks, and something somewhat intangible, which we'll call, as the great Austin Powers terms, your "Mojo." I shall expand on each of these points.
Form
It cannot be understated that most male golfers have about as good a chance of looking like a touring pro as, say, Margaret Thatcher winning a bikini contest. In order to gain the attention of the opposite sex, form must be improved upon before the swing. The pre-shot routine is where you need to make your initial statement. The waggle of the club is an imperative movement, which should be expanded to include a noticeable waggle of the buttocks. This will induce the flow of estrogen in the female. Thus, implementing the "rear-end wriggle" will be your first strategy.
Choice of Slacks
We
only need look as far as Jesper Parnevik to realize that proper
slack selection is fast becoming the unseen (or in his case, the
very much seen) advantage when attracting attention from the opposite
sex. Your pants should pulsate. Now, at first glance, that appears
to be a dangerous statement. However, when taken in the proper
context, one realizes that "pulsating pants" actually
refers to pants that are alive and full of character. Your slacks
should radiate a seductive charm that emanates from every stitch
and seam. Try wearing denim cut-offs or polyester Sansabelts (preferably
burgundy or green) that are four sizes too small.
Your Mojo
As earlier mentioned, "Mojo" is difficult to define. The problem, of course, is that it encompasses many things. It is a special virtue few men can grasp, let alone uphold. It is as mystical as it is palpable. It is as intrinsic as it is extrinsic. To have it is to be it. To be it is to know it. Only the greatest "chick magnets" of our current era can truly guide us. From Austin Powers to Fabio, from Neil Diamond to Julio Iglesias, we must learn from the "great ones" if we ever hope to obtain it for ourselves. A wink to the beautiful woman sitting beside the tee-box, followed with a piercing 3-iron shot into the cup, capped off with a sensual adjustment of the Sansabelts would be a suitable example of golfing "Mojo." How's your Mojo?
Gentlemen golfers, what then shall we do to capture the elusive maiden? Adhere to traditional courting methods and hope she beckons atop her castle fortress? I think not. It is time for male golfers across the globe to make a strategic stand and attain their uppermost dreams. Then again, perhaps really, really big golf clubs will suffice.
