Golf Jokes » You scored

I'll sue you

A golfer is ready to tee off, when a golfer in the adjacent fairway hits him square in the face with his golf ball. "Idiot! Your ball hit me in the eye! I'll sue you for five million dollars!"

The other golfer replied, "I said 'fore'!"

The first golfer then said, "I'll take it!"

Aren't you giving up

Can ye see your way to letting me have a golf ball, lock?" Ian asked his old friend.

"But Ian, you said you were going to stop playing golf," said lock reluctantly handing over an old spare.

"By degrees, lock. By degrees," replied Ian pocketing the ball. "I've stopped buying balls as a first step."

Hole in one....

A group of golfers were putting on the green when, all suddenly a ball dropped in their midst. One of the party winked at the others and shoved the ball into the hole with his foot. Seconds later a very fat player puffed on to the green quite out of breath and red of face. He looked round distractedly and then asked: "Seen my ball?"

"Yeah, it went in the hole," the joker answered with straight-faced alacrity. The fat one looked at him unbelievingly. Then he walked to the hole, looked in, reached down and picked up his ball. His astonishment was plain to see. Then he turned, ran down the fairway and as he neared his partner the group on the green heard him shout: "Hey, Sam, I got an eleven."

An attack of grippe

An attack of grippe laid Snavely low just before his usual weekend game. He rested for a couple of weeks and looked forward to being back on the links. But just as he was about to play again, the grippe returned. His regular opponent was miffed and grumbled at the other end of the telephone.

"Why can't you play this time, Snavely?" he wanted to know.

"Let me put it this way," said the sufferer sadly. "My trouble is an overlapping grippe."

Golf at Monte Carlo

The Monte Carlo golf course is famed for its glorious position high in the hills behind the town - a place of lush beauty and tranquillity unless your game is off. Charlie's game was !

Not one of his shots went right. At the eighteenth hole he made a last swipe at the ball, missed completely, and tore up about a metre of turf. He then strolled disgustedly from the tee and looked down to the blue Mediterranean. Sailing boats were to be seen gliding about hundreds of metres below.

"How," demanded Charlie, "how can anyone be expected to shoot a decent game with those infernal ships rushing back and forth."

Would it be cheating

Two golfers, slicing their drives into the rough, went in search of the balls. They searched for a long time without success while a dear old lady watched them with a kind and sympathetic expression.

At last, after the search had proceeded for half an hour, she addressed them sweetly.

"I hope I'm not interrupting, gentlemen," she said, "but would it be cheating if I told you where they are.'"

How many strokes

How many strokes d'ye have, laddie?" the Scot asked his guest after the first hole.


"I took six. Ma hole"

They played the second hole and once again he asked: "How many strokes?"

"Oh no sir!" said the guest. "It's my turn to ask."

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